A Mad Tea Party in Idle Wonderland

Once upon a time there was a dear small kitten called Nico, whose amber eyes and sweet smile won her many friends. She lived with her human mother Emalina, in a big old country cottage on a high hill overlooking a valley surrounded by greenery and roses.

One day, as Emalina sat in the garden picking wild strawberries, she heard a strange sound in the air. A lovely voice resounded through the valley, a soft and lilting song in deep dulcet tones she knew well.
"Quick!" cried Emalina, rushing indoors where Nico was snoozing languorously on the rocking chair, "Nico, it's time to go! Our friend Vanessa Valencia calls to us! The time has finally come, the time to visit her Mad Tea Party!" 

Nico smiled her sweet smile, for she had been looking forward to a tea party all year long (or at least since lunchtime). Together they packed up what they would need. Nico found her sun hat, and her pretty pinny for serving tea.
She sat very still as Emalina dressed her in her favourite red collar, the one with bells that tinkled like a stream as she walked. Last but not least were her coloured ribbons for country dancing, which Nico thoughtfully nudged into Emalina's pink straw basket as they closed the cottage door and set out to find Wonderland.

Nico and Emalina set off on their journey. After a while they came to a field full of buttercups. Nico sniffed the clean fresh air, and the gentle breeze dancing in the trees wiggled her long white whiskers, for it was a beautiful day.

Soon they came to a clearing where there stood a wooden cabin. At first Nico was too scared to step in, but Emalina reassurred her that it was the cabin into Wonderland and all were welcome there. As they entered the cabin they gulped in the gorgeous smell of lamb roasting in the wood oven. Nico's belly rumbled.

"Look, dear Nico" said Emalina, "there it is, the looking glass that will take us into Wonderland."

On the cabin wall hung a gilt gold mirror, carved and twisted, that reflected a dazzling light into their eyes.

"It's time to be brave, my darling" said Emalina, "for we must step into this mirror and into the unknown to reach our destination".

Now Nico was used to being brave to catch mice and shrew (and once a baby rabbit too), but she shook her head at her human mother.
 "I can only be brave if I know there'll be food for my belly in the unknown" she said.

 "Why then be not afeared little Nico, for beyond this mirror there will be cakes and sweets and who knows what delights", responded Emalina in a reassuring tone. "I will make sure that you don't go hungry".

And so little Nico and big Emalina stepped into the Wonderland mirror, and out the other side into a bright new world. As she opened her eyes, Nico was surprised to find she was rolling in roses, petals pink and purple, yellow, white and red covering them with their fragrant scent.

She looked around to see Emalina shaking the petals off her skirts with a grin.
 "We're here Nico!" she exclaimed. "Isn't it wonderful?"

Nico was inclined to reserve judgement until she had something in her belly,but she followed Emalina down the yellowing path of an old orchard. They turned the bend to find a most remarkable sight. The White Queen of Wonderland had spread out a picnic beneath the trees and was raising her tea cup to them in eager anticipation.

"How nice to meet you, Your Highness", Emalina gasped, "we beg your pardon at trespassing onto your land".

"Why this feast is for you dear Nico and Emalina, for Alice and I have been waiting to take tea with you. Vanessa Valencia, who has her own party to attend, sends her fanciful regards" said the White Queen graciously.

"Oooh cupcakes!" squealed Nico, "My favourite kind of cake!".

The White Queen spread her arms out in welcome, "These are no ordinary cupcakes little Nico", she said, "for hand painted onto each cupcake here is a different portrait of all the lords and ladies of Wonderland kingdom.
I will let you eat as many as you wish, kitty", she continued, with a wink to Emalina " for I can hear your stomach is rumbling." 

As Nico got to work eating her fill, Emalina looked around at the wonderful feast spread out before them. Meringues and rose petals, a white rabbit cake, marshmallows and cupcakes, tea ready to be poured, she had never seen such abundant delights.

"We have laid out some fruit and some fans" said the White Queen, "for those of us who need to keep our pale complexions".
"How thoughtful of you, your Highness" Emalina replied, "at home we only eat Whiskas for Nico, and green beans for me. That is why we're so thin you see."

"Then you must fatten yourselves up with some liquorice and marshmallows, Emalina, we are here to eat and be convivial. I can recommend the tayberry lemonade, made by our gardener from the berries this morning. It goes perfectly with a lavender meringue."

Nico, meanwhile, had finished her cupcake and was wandering about the picnic with her tail held high. "Would you mind awfully if I had this cup of tea?" she asked "I do so fancy a hot drink."
The White Queen nodded her approval, and Nico took her first lap of tea.

"What is this?" she exclaimed, "I have never tasted such a drink!"
"It is my Chocolate Mint tea" answered the Queen "I only bring it out for special occasions, infused as it is with magical powers."

"Yes, have you tried it?", spoke up Alice the doll suddenly, looking straight at Nico, "isn't it divine?"

"But you're a doll, Alice, how can you speak?" asked Nico, startled.

 "Fear not my dear, you have drunk my magic Chocolate Mint tea, that is why you can hear Alice speak" answered the White Queen.

"I speak all the time, thank you very much" countered Alice, "but it's only those with ears tuned to the right frequency who can hear me. Go on, have another sip of tea and a slice of cake, we're all friends here little cat." 

As Nico popped her head into the berries, Emalina took a peek at the book of fairy tales lying open beside her. "These are delightful illustrations Your Highness" she said "look at those birds in the picture Nico!"

"My wish is to surround myself with everything I love" said the Queen, laughing softly, "for it brings me such pleasure. There you see an illustration by Edmund Dulac from the story of Bluebeard."

"And come look at my boudoir", she beckoned to Emalina, "here you can find a portrait of my late grandmother, she was a great beauty. Many princes travelled from all over the land for a chance to woo her. 

Many fought battles in her name and wrote poems for her love, before she chose my late grandfather, the man who painted this."

"The dress" she went on to say, "is another family heirloom. It is belonged to my great grandmother on the other side of the family."

"But what are those strange green sparkly things?" piped up Nico.

"Let me tell you a secret", said the White Queen as she drew them close to her. "These green sparkly things are real beetle wings sewn onto gauze. My couturier tells me this dress was made in India more than a hundred years ago. It is a piece of history and so delicate that I have only worn it a handful of times, only ever to stand in. The beetle wings are sharp and they cut into me if I sit down."

"Gosh" said Emalina, "we are lucky to be taking tea with the Queen, aren't we Nico?"

"We are", agreed Nico, "and have you met Alice yet, Mummy? She's just over here. She talks you know, like I do."

At that moment the air grew thick with sound. Wood nymphs appeared from behind each tree in the orchard singing their praises to the White Queen. 

As the nymphs sang their hypnotic chant, Nico noticed the strangest things start to happen. All around her, objects began to move, to dance to the nymphs' song.

The dresses and paintings at the White Queen's boudoir swayed in time to the music, as if possessed!

The white rabbits on the Queen's cake began to hop, and play, amongst the white chocolate roses! 

The faces on the cupcakes began to move, too, and they smudged themselves as they did so.

Even the cupids on the White Queen's books began to prance and dance.

Before long the whole of Wonderland was swaying and dancing to the wood nymphs' song. Only the White Queen sat still in her chair, with a smile as she watched the revellery.

Nico felt the voices of the nymphs stroke her body with their tune, they were playing with her whiskers and caressing her tail. Finally, she could contain herself no longer, and let out a mad little jumping dance, as Emalina twirled her long skirts around her.

The music stopped as abruptly as it had started, and all of Wonderland stood still again. Nico, so exhausted by her dancing, found a shady spot under the White Queen's skirts to catch her breath, whilst Emalina took to a nearby hammock to recover.

"This really is the life!" exclaimed Emalina, as she reached for another meringue.

"It is, it is Mummy!" cried Nico, from beneath the Queen's shady skirts.

But being a fidgety little kitten, she couldn't stay still for long and she soon started to hunt for something else to eat.

Something like the liquorice...

"Don't eat too much of that," warned the White Queen, "it is time for us to cut the White Rabbit cake! You shall wish to leave some room to taste the cake!"

"Nico and I love cake, Your Highness", said Emalina, "what flavour is it may I ask?"

"Rose and lemon to taste, my dear girl, in different colours and different parts; for beneath the hand made white chocolate rabbits and roses, and the sky blue buttercream, there lies a moist soft marble cake of such magnificence that we must all eat at least one slice."

The Queen was right, it was a magnificent cake, and within no time at all they had had two slices each.

Finally, the White Queen brought out a strange looking case...

"Open it, dear Nico and Emalina", and they did as they were told.

Inside were all manner of things, pretty pictures and hand written notes hidden amongst the flowers and cupcakes.

"Here is my Case of Inspiration" said the Queen. "Look through it as you please".

No sooner had Emalina started to look in the case than a note appeared addressed to her.

Opening it, Emalina and Nico saw a fantastic message. "Man is condemned to be free?" asked Nico, "what does this Sartre fellow mean by such a thing?"

"Ah Nico, it is simple my darling. Sartre reminds us that we always have a choice in how we respond to situations in our lives. Even when we deliberately try not to choose, the act of not choosing is in itself a choice. With choice comes freedom, and with freedom comes responsibility, and a life lived in awareness and self reflection".

Nico was still thinking about what her human mother had said when Emalina spied another note, this one addressed to her.

"This is less of a riddle," exclaimed Nico, "oh I know how to do this, Mummy! I'm moving forward right this minute, towards that delicious cake!

As Nico ate some more, Emalina reflected on their notes from the case. What did Kierkegaard mean when he wrote that life must be lived forwards? Perhaps that by facing the everyday difficulties and contradictions of living - as opposed to trying ignore or dismiss them -  we could move forward in our lives, and grow as cats and as people?

She was still pondering this notion when she heard a rustle and the tap tap tap of some sharp high heels on the yellowing path.

There stood the Red Queen, with her hand on her hip.

"Oh has she come to join the party?" asked Nico, hopefully.

"WHO DARES TO EAT THE CAKES OF MY WONDERLAND?" roared the Red Queen. "Quick, guards, off with their heads!"

"We must run for our lives, Nico!" screamed Emalina, and threw Nico onto her shoulder before hotfooting it out of Wonderland, the Red Queen and her guards the nettles chasing behind them waving their stinging spears. 

Thankfully they escaped the gates of Wonderland unharmed, and found a small sailing boat in the mist, sent by the White Queen to take them home.

By the time they had reached their country cottage on the top of the hill, Nico was sleeping like a baby in her human mother's arms.

"What a day it has been" whispered Emalina, as she placed Nico on her fur cushions. "Sleep well sweet darling".

The Red Queen closed the gates of Wonderland for another year, and Nico slept curled up on her cushions, chasing white chocolate rabbits in her dreams.

THE END

P.S. Animal lovers will be pleased to read that Nico the kitten was not

 actually allowed to eat any cake or sweets during the shooting of this post.

P.P.S. All recipes for the above idle bakes will be blogged in forthcoming posts.



This special blog post was idly hatched as I listened to the music of Ella Fitzgerald's Songbook

Warm Salted Caramel & Banana Tartlets

Perfect to end a gluttonous dinner a deux, the banana and salted caramel of these tartlets are a match made in heaven. These tasty bites are very easy to create and take no time at all, so what's not to love? Idle baking indeed.

Recipe
Adapted from the Banana Tarts recipe by Nigel Slater in his brilliant book Real Cooking.  Buy the book at Amazon by clicking here.

Makes 2 small cookie sized tarts




Offcuts of ready rolled puff pastry, approx 80g is all that's needed
2 bananas
1 tablespoon vanilla bean sugar (or caster sugar)
1 tablespoon butter
1 or 2 tablespoons salted caramel



1. Place the ready rolled offcuts of pastry onto a floured board, and cut into 2 decorative circles using a large cookie cutter. Place in the fridge to chill for 20 minutes

2. Turn the oven to 200C (180C) and get out a baking sheet.

3.  Gently melt the butter in a small saucepan over a low hob, before placing to one side to cool.

4. Peel the bananas, then slice them as thin or thick as you like.

5. Take the pastry out of the fridge, and place the 2 tart bases onto the prepared baking sheet. Layer the banana slices in circles over the bases, brushing the fruit and the pastry with the melted butter until they are well covered.

6. Next sprinkle the vanilla sugar over the tarts, before placing in the oven to bake for 10-12 minutes, until the bananas have softened and the pastry has puffed up.

7. When baked, take the tarts out of the oven and leave to cool for a moment.


for the salted caramel topping:
1 or 2 tablespoons good quality salted caramel (I used a jar from M&S)


8. As soon as the tartlets are out of the oven, heat the spoonfuls of salted caramel in another small saucepan over a low heat, until warm and runny.

9. Drizzle the warm caramel over the tartlets and serve immediately.

These tartlets were idly baked while listening to Lana Del Ray sing Video Games

Apricot & Tayberry Cake

I made this cake for tea with my parents and our friends Fergus and Sara Jane. It's full of classic summer flavours, using fresh apricots and lots of home grown tayberries from the fruit cage. Tayberries are a cross between raspberries and loganberries, and if you can't find any near you then raspberries would do just as well. The review from Fergus? "Crunchy topped and sublime with a moist and yielding crumb".

Recipe
My own recipe.
Serves 6-8

for the cake:
3 large eggs, room temperature
200g golden caster sugar
200g unsalted butter, room temperature
1 teaspoon orange blossom water
200g plain flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
3 apricots, cored and chopped small
approx 200g tayberries or raspberries
2 handfuls dessicated coconut
3 handfuls flaked almonds


1.Turn the oven to 170C (150C fan oven). Grease a 20cm round baking tin and line the bottom with baking paper.

2. Cream butter and sugar together for at least 3 minutes in a large bowl until fluffy.

3. Add the first egg and a tablespoon of the flour, and beat well until smooth. Repeat the process with the other two eggs one after the other, adding a little flour with each and beating until smooth.

4. Throw in the orange blossom water. Stir into the butter mixture, before adding the rest of the flour. Gently mix until combined.

5. Pour half the batter over the base of the cake tin, before placing the apricot and tayberries evenly over the top. Then add the rest of the batter over the top, spread and smooth down with a spatula. Make sure that the fruit is covered by the batter.

6. Sprinkle first the dessicated coconut and then the flaked almonds over the cake, then put in the oven to bake for approx 50 minutes. You'll know it's done when a skewer comes out clean.


7. Remove from the oven and leave the cake in its tin for 15 minutes before carefully turning it out onto a wire rack or a plate to cool.

8. Once cool, sift some icing sugar over the top and decorate with some more berries and mint leaves if you like.


9. Serve with a cup of tea and maybe some cream if you're that way inclined.

This cake was idly baked to the sound of Exile On Main Street by The Rolling Stones

Beef & Butternut Squash Pie

Please forgive my delay in posting dear readers, but we lost internet connection for more than a few days due to the recent heavy rainstorms and flooding in East Devon. This pie was something I baked to help us keep morale up as we huddled in the house for days waiting for the storms to end. Sadly as it was photographed at night I've had to use the less beautiful flash photography to document this pie. However be assured it is lip smackingly delicious, and using ready made puff pastry it's also very easy to create, good comfort food for this strange climate change weather.

.

Recipe
Adapted from the one given by Neil Morrissey from Taste Of My Life at BBC Food Recipes, see the original recipe here

Serves 4 greedyguts


500g lean beef mince (preferably organic)
1 onion, sliced thinly
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 garlic clove, crushed
200g butternut squash, peeled and diced small
half a small stick of celery, chopped small
75g mushrooms, chopped
1 bay leaf
100ml good red wine
150ml beef or vegetable stock
1 tablespoon tomato puree
pinch of dried herbs de provence or thyme
approx 100g broad beans, optional
375g ready made and ready rolled puff pastry
1 egg yolk, lightly beaten
1 and a half tablespoons plain flour, plus extra for dusting
2 dashes Worcestershire sauce


1. Turn the oven to 200C (180C fan ovens) and get out a good sized ceramic or tin pie dish.


2. In a large frying pan, heat the oil and fry the beef mince over a medium heat for about 5 minutes until browned, breaking it up with a wooden spoon every few minutes.


3. Throw in the sliced onion, garlic, diced squash and chopped celery, and fry for 2 minutes.


4. Add the tomato puree, stir in until well combined for another couple of minutes.


5. Next add the flour, stirring again and letting it dissolve before adding the mushrooms.


6. Once the mushrooms are in, pour over the red wine. Turn up the heat and let the wine come to the boil before turning the heat down again and adding the stock to the filling.


7. Now add the dashes of worcestershire sauce and the dried herbs, give it a good stir, then reduce the heat further and cover the pan with a lid, letting it simmer for about 20 minutes.

8. While this is going on, release the broad beans from their large pods, before boiling them in water for about 5 minutes. Then drain them in a sieve, and when they've cooled take them one by one out of their outer shells using your fingers. Tip the little green inner beans into the beef filling as it simmers, stirring once.


9.Once time is up, take the pan off the heat and put it to one side to let the filling cool a bit. Then ladle the beef and vegetable filling into the prepared pie dish.


10. 10 minutes before the mixture is turned into the dish, take the ready made puff pastry out of the fridge and leave to come to room temperature. Then sprinkle a board with some flour and then roll out the pastry on the board.


11. Cut a lid for the pie out the pastry and then carefully place it over the filling so that the edges of the pastry touch the sides of the dish. Cut the lid a little bigger than the dish, as pastry tends to shrink when baking.


12. Use any leftover offcuts of the pastry to make shapes such as traditional leaves, or my less traditional MOO! Place these shapes over the pastry lid. Remember to make a few slits in the centre of the pastry lid to allow steam and excess moisture to escape from the pie as it cooks.


13. Briefly beat the egg yolk with a fork until bubbly, then brush the beaten yolk over the pastry lid and shapes to give it a lovely golden glow when it comes out of the oven.


14. Bake in the oven for 20-25 minutes. It should come out looking golden brown and smelling irresistible.


15. Serve with mashed potato, steamed carrots and maybe some steamed greens.

This pie was idly baked while listening to Schubert's Unfinished Symphony: No 8 in B Minor

Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Lavender Marbled Meringues

These luscious small meringues are so easy to make and so very much tastier than the bland ones you can buy. The lovely lavender flavour echoes the soft lilac coloured swirls of the meringues. What's more, if you want to keep them a while these beauties can be wrapped in cling film and frozen in freezer bags until you're ready to use them. I plan on defrosting a batch of these for the upcoming virtual Mad Tea Party on 28th July, I really can't wait.

Recipe
My own

Makes approx 8 smallish meringues


3 large eggs, whites only, room temperature
150g caster sugar
1 tablespoon of lavender florets, which have been chopped small or ground in a pestle and mortar
food paste colouring - I used SugarFlair paste in Grape Violet


1. Turn the oven to 150C (130C fan), and line a couple of baking sheets with parchment paper.

2. Beat the egg whites in a large bowl for a couple of minutes until stiff. You'll need to use an electic whisk or mixer to beat the whites hard enough.

3. Gradually add the sugar, a  tablespoon at a time, beating between each addition. Add the lavender. Beat until well combined and glossy and smooth. The mixture should be stiff enough that it stands up in stiff peaks.

4. Add a pin prick or 2 of colour paste, gently and briefly swirling it into the meringue with a metal spoon or skewer.

5. Spoon the meringue in smallish circles onto the parchment paper. Leave enough room between them to allow the meringues to expand, I fitted 4 or 5 on each baking tray. If you want to turn them into nests just make a well in the centre of each.

6. As soon as the meringues go in the oven turn the heat down to 120C (100C fan) and bake for 2 hours.

7. When the time is up, turn off the oven and leave the meringues in it to cool for half an hour or so. After this time you can place them on a wire rack if they need to cool further.

8. Once cool, serve with whipped cream and perhaps some berries.

These meringues were idly baked while listening to Charlie Mingus play Mingus Ah Um